Brighter Days
by MacD
Summary: Tara's been hurt, and Buffy's visiting Faith


Brighter Days  
  
By MacD  
(d_mac_d@another.com)  
Summary: Tara's been hurt, and Buffy's visiting Faith. Sequel to "Morning Light".  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Not mine, and so on.  
Distribution: If you want it, take it.  
Feedback: Yes please.  
They had some lunch after a while, more stew, and then they sat and talked, catching up on each other's lives. Buffy's latest enemies, Faith's time in prison. After a while, Buffy finally thought to ask about what Faith was doing now, in this building, in this town.  
"Same old thing, really. Vamp hunting. These guys, I think they're part of the government or something, I don't really know. Angel hooked me up with them, but I don't know how he knew 'em. Wesley, maybe. Anyway, they're pretty good, really organised, loads of gadgets. I help with some of the killing, and I do a bit of training, give them advice and stuff. It's cool."  
"You train people?" Buffy couldn't quite keep the surprise out of her voice, and Faith smiled.  
"Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? I was always so bad at being trained. I think this end's easier, actually. And they're all really polite to me. They call me sir, which freaks me out. 'Course, it helps they all know I can kick their asses." She looked at her watch. "In fact, I should really go down just now and help out with the afternoon session. You should come too, give you something to do other than brood"  
  
The training room was in the basement, large and high-tech and full of men in fatigues. It reminded Buffy a lot of the Initiative, but without the labs and stuff. And these guys seemed more relaxed than most of the Initiative soldiers, less pleased with themselves. She sat at the side and watched. Faith was obviously popular: everyone rushed over to greet her. Some of her popularity was certainly down to the fact that she was a teenage girl in a room full of men, but they all seemed to respect her. Buffy guessed that some of that respect had probably come at a price, as she watched one of the largest men attempt to sneak up behind Faith and grab her, only to be thrown halfway across the room, where he bounced a little, and then flipped himself to his feet, laughing. After that they settled back down, training in pairs, simple hand-to-hand drills, with Faith and a couple of older guys walking up and down, watching and commenting.   
The training went on for a couple of hours, but Buffy didn't really get bored. She had a lot to think about, but she also found herself enjoying watching Faith, who seemed to be completely in her element, wandering around, cracking jokes and correcting techniques. She actually seemed to be a pretty good teacher. She got Buffy up to help her a couple of times, to simulate vampires, when she wanted to show how a technique had to be modified to counter greater strength and speed. The thought of Buffy as a monster had the men laughing for a while, until she too had thrown some of them through the air, and then they were all very polite to her. Mostly, though, she just sat at the side and watched Faith.  
After the training was over, and they had the room to themselves, they started to spar. Slowly at first, helping each other, often saying what moves they were going for, giving each other feedback. Then faster, harder, the old rhythms coming back.   
Afterwards they went back up to Faith's room. It was just starting to get dark outside, through the big windows. Faith fed the cat, and then made them some pasta. Buffy leant against the counter and watched as she chopped and fried and simmered, with the same look of concentration she had when she was training.   
"You're pretty good at this whole cooking thing, aren't you?"  
Faith smiled, and shrugged. "It's kind of embarrassing. I feel like Martha Stewart or something. But I enjoy it. And, like I say, it's good for the temper. Very soothing."  
"I, ah, I suppose I should be thinking about heading back to Sunnydale. It's a long way."  
"Well, you're not going to go tonight, are you? Get some sleep, and then start tomorrow morning, if you want. But you know you can stay for as long as you want, B. And, you know, you might want to give Willow a bit more time. I'm sure your boys Giles and Xander can handle the slaying for another day or so."  
"You think Willow needs more time?"  
Faith shrugged again. "I'd give it a while, if I was you. Give Tara time to get better. And, ah, maybe you need some time as well? You've seemed pretty lost in thought today."  
There was silence for a while, just the sounds of the sauce cooking. The cat jumped up onto the counter and settled itself beside Buffy. She stroked it absentmindedly, trying to work out what she wanted to say. "I've been thinking, you know, about what you said. It sort of brought up a lot of questions, you know? And I think they're probably good questions, I think the whole questioning thing is good, but I don't think I've got many answers."  
Faith smiled, and reached out, and patted her arm. "Not many of us do, B."  
  
Faith insisted that Buffy take the bed, again. She claimed sleeping on the mats was good for her soul. After they'd eaten they had gone for a walk round the little town in the dusk, not saying much, and then they'd come back and sat quietly for a while, listening to music. Faith had a lot of CD's, Buffy noticed. Names she didn't know, mostly. Gorecki and Arvo Part, which looked like classical music, and a lot of reggae. Tonight, though, Faith put on Massive Attack, and then an old Joni Mitchell album that Buffy remembered her mom playing sometimes. And after a while they'd decided to call it a night.  
It took Buffy a lot longer to get to sleep this time. She lay awake for a long while, staring into the dark, listening to Faith's quiet breathing, and to the cat as it wandered around. She thought about what Faith had said, about her being in love with Willow. It was such a strange idea, she thought, it seemed so weird, but it also felt right, and true. It made everything different, without really changing anything. And after a while she fell asleep.  
And was woken up by a sharp sound, to a room that was still dark. It didn't feel like she'd been asleep long. She lay still, eyes and ears straining, but everything seemed quiet. She had almost decided that she must have dreamt the noise when it came again, and then again. It took her a moment to work out that it was Faith.  
Buffy stood quietly and walked to the edge of the training area, but it was the darkest part of the room, and she couldn't really see anything, just a dark shape on the ground. She heard the noise again, and knew for certain this time it was Faith. It sounded like crying.  
"Faith?" No answer. "Faith?" She walked carefully down onto the mats, and knelt down beside where Faith lay. The dark-haired girl had the blanket pulled tight around her, almost covering her whole face and head, and Buffy realised that she was still asleep. Faith whimpered again, her whole body shaking; she said something, in a voice too choked with misery to be intelligible, and then quieted for a moment. The nightmare seemed to have passed for a second, and then she cried out again. The skin that was visible above the blanket was shiny with sweat. Buffy hesitated for a moment, and then gently touched her shoulder.  
"Faith?" She shook the girl's shoulder a little. "Come on Faith, wake up."  
"Buffy?" She sounded different. Younger, and scared. Buffy couldn't remember ever hearing her sounding scared.  
"Are you okay? I'm sorry for waking you up, but it sounded like you were having a nightmare or something."  
"I ... " Faith paused, sitting up now. Buffy had left her hand resting on the other girls shoulder, but Faith shook it off now. It seemed like she'd collected herself; her voice sounded more like usual. "Nah, I'm fine, B. Sorry if I woke you up."  
Buffy waited there a moment, kneeling beside her, feeling a little foolish now, and then decided to leave it. "Okay, cool. I'll see you in the morning, yeah? Sleep well."  
"Night, B."  
Buffy went back to bed, but again found it hard to get to sleep. It had been strange seeing Faith like that. She was always so cool, so in charge of things, but she'd seemed really upset, even if she'd tried to pretend otherwise. Buffy was just starting to drift back off to sleep when she heard crying. Proper crying this time, but muffled, as if Faith was using the blanket to try and mask the sound. She didn't know what to do. It wasn't her business, she supposed, and Faith hadn't seemed to want any comfort. Anything she did would probably just make things worse. She closed her eyes again and tried to sleep; and then, after maybe half a minute, without really being conscious of changing her mind, she stood up, wrapped her blanket around her shoulders, and walked back to the training area.  
Faith looked up when she heard Buffy approaching, and even in the dark the tears were visible on her face. She looked like she was trying to think of something to say, some excuse, but Buffy held up a hand as she sat down beside her, cutting her off. "Shh. It's alright." She gathered the other girl into her hands, cradling her. She felt a bit self-conscious, and she was half-waiting for Faith to push her away, or make some smart remark. To her surprise, though, after a moment the other girl just wrapped her own arms around Buffy, tightly. She was crying again, but more quietly now. Buffy held her, and stroked her hair, and after a little while she could tell that Faith had fallen asleep. She stretched out and arranged her blanket over both of them, and soon she was asleep too.  
  
When she woke up, she was lying on the mat on her own. The room was full of sun again, and the cat was sitting about six inches from her face, staring at her. She reached out to pet it, but it stood and walked off. The room smelt of coffee, and she could hear the shower running in the distance. She got up slowly, and stretched, and took the blankets back to the bed, before washing her face in the kitchen sink, and helping herself to some coffee from the pot on the table. Last night had been odd, she thought; she only hoped she'd done the right thing, and Faith wasn't embarrassed about it. She'd seemed so upset, so vulnerable. The shower stopped, and after a moment Faith came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. She nodded at Buffy. "Morning B."  
"Hey." She wanted to say something, but decided that if Faith didn't want to talk about it, she probably shouldn't press it. They'd been getting on so well, and she didn't want to spoil it. Faith was looking at her, though, and then looking down at the floor. Almost shyly.  
"Buffy?"  
"Yup?"  
"Ah, thank you. For last night. That was, um, kind of you."  
"No problem."   
And that was it. Not nearly as awkward as Buffy thought it was going to be. They sat and drank coffee together, and talked.   
"I suppose I really should head back to the ol' hellmouth today."  
"If you've got to. Maybe you should give it another day, though? Unless you're getting bored here, which I know is pretty easy. It's just that I think Willow was going to phone tonight, so you might have a better idea of what you're heading back to. And, ah, I kinda like having you around, B. You're more talkative than the cat."  
"Gee, thanks."  
  
*****  
  
Willow sat in the little room in the hospital, watching her girlfriend. So quiet, so still. She had a book with her, but hadn't opened it. She didn't feel like reading. She didn't cry, either. She'd cried herself out already. She just sat and watched Tara.  
After a while, she dozed off. She had hardly slept since the accident, and when she did sleep it was fitful, unsatisfying. For some reason, though, she slept better now, slept more deeply. She dreamt. She dreamt about Tara being hurt, almost the way it had happened, and then it repeated itself, but this time the demon didn't attack Tara, but danced with her. A waltz. Round and round the cave they danced, and now Giles was dancing with Xander, and Spike was there, playing the accordion. And willow stood there, and watched them all dance, and Buffy walked up to her, wearing a ball gown, and took her by the arm, and they danced too. She kept trying to see Tara while they danced, over Buffy's shoulder, but the others kept getting in the way, and all the turning made her feel dizzy.  
And then she woke up, and was just starting to think about the dream, when she noticed that somebody was holding her hand. And then she noticed that it was Tara, looking pale, but smiling, and out of bed, and sitting beside her, and in her happiness Willow completely forgot about the dream.  
  
*****  
  
Another quiet day. From what Buffy had seen of Faith's new life so far, it didn't really look as if she ever had any other kind. No training with the soldiers that day; instead, after they'd finished their coffee, Faith jumped up, looking cheerful. "My favourite day", she said. She dug through her wardrobe, and found a spare karate gi, and a black belt, tossing them to Buffy. "Grab these. Unless you want to stay here, of course, but I'd really like you to see this. It's the best thing in my life, I think."  
Buffy was curious, but confused. "I'm not a black belt in karate or anything else, you know? I probably shouldn't be wearing this."  
"Nah, it'll be cool. Anyway, come on. We'll just change here, it's not far to walk. We'll be late if we don't hurry, though, and then I'll be in trouble."  
They both changed into the gi's. Buffy felt odd changing in the same room as Faith, even though they weren't actually getting naked, or anything. She supposed they must have changed together before, back when they used to practice in the gym, but she couldn't really remember. Faith kept telling her to be quick, too, and then hurried her down the stairs and out of the building, and along the street.   
"Faith? Why are we in such a hurry?"  
"Don't want to be late, B."  
"Uh, Faith? I don't remember you ever, you know, being that punctual before."  
Faith laughed. "Yeah, well. These people are a lot scarier than Giles."  
They had come to a long, low building, almost a hut. The door was open, and they went in. Inside, to Buffy's surprise, were about thirty small children, boys and girls, all wearing karate gi's and running round in a big circle, while a tall man with a black belt on stood in the middle and shouted encouragement. Buffy noticed that Faith bowed as she entered the building and copied her, feeling a bit self-conscious. As they went in, one of the little girls stopped running for a moment and pointed at Faith accusingly. "You're late", she said.  
Faith looked genuinely sorry. "Hi Kate. I'm only two minutes late." This didn't seem to go down very well; Kate just pouted and carried on running. Faith watched her go, and then shrugged, and waved to the man in the middle, who nodded back amiably. He didn't seem too bothered that she was two minutes late. He got the kids to stop running, and started to take them through some stretching exercises while Buffy and Faith warmed up at the side.  
Buffy was still looking around. "This is ... unexpected."  
Faith grinned again. "Yeah. It started as another of these good for my temper, good for my soul things, you know? Like the cooking. But I really enjoy this."  
Once the warm-up was over, Faith introduced Buffy to the instructor, and to a couple of younger guys with brown belts, who seemed to be assistant instructors, and then all the kids lined up while Buffy was introduced to them. They all chanted "Hello Buffy" at her, very politely, which fazed her a bit. Small children worried her. "Uh, hi" she muttered.   
The instructor asked her just to wander around and help anyone who was confused, or wanted to ask a question. The practice consisted of a series of exercises, each demonstrated by Faith and the instructor, with the children splitting up into different pairs for each one. It was all quite formal, very different from training with the soldiers the day before, or, for that matter, training with Giles. Everything seemed to have a Japanese name, and there was an awful lot of bowing. To Buffy's surprise, Faith was just as formal and respectful as everyone else; if anything, she actually seemed to do more bowing than the others. The instructor seemed to be pretty good, and he was clearly an excellent teacher, keeping discipline without ever actually seeming strict. The two guys in brown belts were friendly and enthusiastic, though the kids seemed to treat them more like friends than teachers, constantly teasing them. Buffy chatted to them a little, since she didn't really know what she was meant to be doing. They were both completely in awe of Faith's ability, and the younger one was obviously besotted with her, hardly ever taking his eyes off her, and losing the ability to speak when she came over.   
Buffy wandered around, chatting to the brown belts, and occasionally to some of the kids. They were all incredibly polite, but she got the feeling that some of them would be a real handful outside the dojo. Mostly, just like the day before, she watched Faith. All the kids were constantly trying to get her attention, asking questions, or wanting her to demonstrate things, and she was really friendly and patient with them. She seemed to be really good with children, which Buffy found kind of surprising. At the end a general clamour went up, which Faith greeted with mock-exasperation. After a bit of half-hearted protest, she allowed one of the brown belts to blindfold her, as she stood in the middle of a circle of kids. They all went very quiet, and then at a signal from the brown belt, three of them threw foam handpads up into the air, as hard as they could. Faith jumped up into a pretty impressive turning triple kick, knocking all three pads flying and landing nicely balanced as everyone cheered. She took the blindfold off and shrugged in an embarrassed way at Buffy. "Party trick. They always make me do it."  
The brown belts started to supervise a warm-down, with more stretching exercises, and Faith started to talk to the instructor. He picked up a wooden sword, and seemed to be discussing some technique with her. Buffy moved to a corner and started to practice some kicks of her own. Not that she was jealous of Faith's jumping kick, or anything. She could have done that, she thought. Probably. She started to concentrate on heel kicks, trying to spin slowly and smoothly. It was quite tricky going that slowly, and it took her a moment to realise that she was being watched by a pair of little girls. She stopped.  
"Uh, hi. Shouldn't you be stretching or something?"  
They just stared at her for a moment, and then "Nu-uh. We wanted to talk to you."  
"Okay." Another silence. "Um, did you want to talk about anything in particular?"  
"Are you a friend of Faith's?"  
Buffy didn't really know how to reply to that one. They'd been getting on pretty well, she supposed. And Faith did seem like she'd changed a lot. On the other hand, there was the whole history of trying to kill each other and stuff. Probably best not to try to explain that one to the little girls, though. For a start, she reckoned they'd take Faith's side, and she didn't really fancy fighting a shed full of seven year olds. "Uh, yeah, we're friends."  
"We like Faith. We think she's nice. And she's really pretty." Buffy was about to express some kind of agreement with this, when the other one added "She's prettier than you."  
"Um..." Buffy really had no idea how to reply to that. It didn't help that at that moment she noticed that Faith was now standing quite nearby, laughing at her. Luckily, the instructor clapped his hands just then, and everyone had to line up again for the end.  
  
They walked back to Faith's room and took turns to have showers. It was getting on for evening again now. The days seemed to go really quickly here, thought Buffy. They were sitting in companionable silence when the phone rang. Faith answered it. "Hi? ... oh, hi Willow. How's things? How's our girl?"  
Buffy felt uncomfortable listening. She wandered down into the training area, and tried to block out the conversation, which lasted for about ten minutes. Faith hung up the phone, and then came and sat on the steps leading down to the mats. Buffy looked at her.  
"Tara's fine. Still a bit bruised and battered, but she'll be okay. And apparently she holds you no grudge, which isn't really surprising. I don't think she knows what a grudge is. Willow, on the other hand ... " Her voice trailed off, and she looked uncomfortable.   
"She hates me."  
"She doesn't love you at the moment, B., that's for certain. She's happy that Tara's recovered, but she's still blaming you."  
Buffy couldn't think of anything to say. She felt incredibly tired. It was nice that Tara was okay, she liked Tara; but was that a little nagging thought in the back of her mind that if Tara hadn't got better, then she'd have had Willow to herself? Or was she just imagining it? She didn't even know what she was thinking, now. This was stupid. She didn't like Willow that way. She was straight, for a start. Willow was her best friend, nothing more. But then she was really pretty, and she did feel good to hug, and ... Damn, this was confusing. She looked at Faith. "I think I want a drink, or something."  
Faith smiled, in a sympathetic way. "I think there's half a bottle of wine from when Willow was here. It's probably gone a bit musty with the air, but it should be alright. I don't drink anymore, though, so I can't keep you company." She paused. "You don't smoke, do you?"  
"What, cigarettes? Oh, weed. No. Do you?"  
Faith shrugged again. "Better for you than drink. And, yet again, it's good for the temper. You heard of Julian Cope? Brit singer? Anyway, he says that the first time he smoked dope was the first time in his life that he didn't feel evil. And I kind of know what he means. It mellows you out, you know?" She paused. "I know I sound like a pusher in a anti-drugs commercial, but, you want to try some?"  
Buffy's turn to shrug now. "Sure, why not?"  
  
They sat on the bed together, Buffy sipping a glass of wine while Faith skinned up. "I don't really smoke much. I don't like smoking on my own, you know?"  
"Mmm."  
"Still worried about the whole Willow thing?"  
"Nah." A pause. "Well, yeah. I mean, I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I'm feeling kind of guilty about Tara, and I know Will's got every right to be angry with me ... and then, you know, there's that stuff you were saying the other night."  
Faith nodded, but didn't say anything. She lit the joint and took a long toke, blowing out a perfect smoke ring and looking satisfied. She passed it to Buffy, who was feeling a bit nervous. She had smoked a couple of cigarettes years ago; she could remember not liking them very much. She inexpertly took a draw, and immediately started coughing and spluttering. Faith laughed, and slapped her on the back, and fetched her a glass of water.  
"You probably want to take it a bit easy at first, B."  
They finished the joint, and Buffy drank her wine. She didn't really think the dope had done anything for her, though she felt a bit light headed from the actual smoking. Faith definitely looked a bit more relaxed though, nodding her head to the music. They sat quietly for a while, and then Buffy found herself talking again.  
"What you were saying, you know, about me and Willow? Do you really believe it? It, I don't know, I've been thinking about it, and it just seems silly."  
"You know best, B. If it seems silly to you then I guess it's silly."  
"I mean, apart from anything else, like her being my best friend, and her and Tara being together, which are both, you know, really good reasons for me not to be in love with her, she's a girl. Which would make me, you know, gay."  
"Seems logical."  
"And I'm not. I'm straight. Heterosexual Buffy, that's me."  
"Fair enough." Faith didn't seem to be particularly keen on having this conversation; she sat and petted the cat and stared straight ahead.  
"I mean, I would know, wouldn't I? You know, if I was gay?"  
Faith didn't reply immediately. She sighed, quite loudly, and rubbed her face with her hands. And then she turned round and kissed Buffy on the lips.   
The kiss didn't last for very long, not long enough for Buffy to get over her immediate shock and to start wondering what to do. She had been sitting there, waiting for Faith to say something, her mouth a little open, and then suddenly Faith's lips had been pressed into hers, and Faith's tongue was inside her mouth, and then that was over, and Faith was just sitting there, watching her. Looking calm, a little curious maybe. No real expression.  
Buffy found herself wiping at her lips with her fingers, and felt a little embarrassed. "Faith? Uh, what was that?"  
"That was a kiss, B." Buffy just stared at her, waiting for an explanation. Faith sighed again. "Ah, I dunno, B. You were wanting to know if you were attracted to girls, weren't you? So I thought that might help. You could see if you were revolted, you know?" She paused. "Were you?" There was a very faint tremor in her voice, but her face was still expressionless.  
Buffy thought about it. "I don't know. I don't think so. It was very quick." And then, she didn't know if it was the wine, or the weed, or a genuine desire to experiment, but she added "Why don't we try again, and find out?" Keeping her tone light, joking. Her flirting voice.  
She expected Faith to agree, or just to kiss her again, but to her surprise the dark-hared girl just turned away from her, shaking her head.  
"Faith?"  
"I don't think so, B." And there was a definite tremor in her voice now.  
Buffy was confused. "You kissed me first, you know. I want a go now. Fair's fair . And I wouldn't have thought you would have been scared of kissing a girl."  
Silence. Buffy reached out, to touch Faith's shoulder, but the other girl jerked away from her hand.  
"Faith? Are you alright?"  
Faith moved away from her a little, and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging them to her, staring at the floor. She spoke very quietly, hesitantly. "Look, B. I don't know what you think you're doing. But I know it's not about me. You want to play a game, or you want to work out how you feel about Willow, or something. But for me, this, this wouldn't be a game. And, oh, this is stupid." She started to stand up, but Buffy stopped her with a hand on her arm.  
"Faith. Faith, look at me." Bringing a touch of command into her voice. "What are you talking about? What's the matter? What have I done to upset you?"  
"Shit, B., you don't know?" Said sarcastically, but then Faith looked at Buffy, and her expression changed. "Aw, shit, you really don't know, do you?"  
Buffy shook her head, her eyes fixed on Faith.  
"It's always been you, B. For me, it's always been you." Her voice trailed off, and then she brought her head up, and stared straight at Buffy, and there was a new strength in her voice. "Ever since I met you, B., I've wanted to be with you. And for a while I wondered if that was just because I wanted to be like you. But these days, I'm kinda happy being me. And I still want to be with you." She was quiet for a moment, and shrugged. "But you know, that's not going to happen. I hurt you a lot, and you hate me, which is fair enough. And you're straight. And even if you're not straight, you're in love with Willow. And since I know it's not going to happen, I don't want to kiss you. Alright?" She turned to the table and started to roll another joint, concentrating on it, not looking at Buffy.  
"I don't hate you." But she said it hesitantly, was so shocked by what she'd just heard that she couldn't say it any other way, and Faith ignored her. They sat in silence for a while. Faith finished the joint, and was about to light it, when Buffy stopped her.   
"Faith, I don't hate you." She paused, and Faith just stared at her. "I don't. I used to. I hated you right up till when I got here, I think. But you've changed, you've changed, you know, a lot, and you've been really nice to me, and ... Aw, Faith, I don't hate you, alright?" Still silence from the other girl. Buffy took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "You kissed me. And I didn't kiss you back, 'cause I was kind of surprised and stuff. But I think I'd like to kiss you." Now Faith started to say something, but Buffy cut her off. "It wouldn't be forever. We know that. It would probably, you know, just be for tonight. But it wouldn't be a game, and it wouldn't be about Willow, or whether or not I'm gay. It would just be about me and you. And it would mean something." She'd twisted round while she was talking, kneeling on the bed now, facing Faith, and now Faith was facing her too, crosslegged, the joint unlit and forgotten in one hand. She looked frightened, thought Buffy. Faith looked like she was about to say something, but then stopped. She smiled, a little, nervous smile, and then looked serious again, just sitting there, staring at Buffy. And then Buffy leaned forwards and kissed her, and Faith kissed back, and it went on from there.  
It was different to anything else Buffy had ever done. At first, Faith was pretty passive, letting Buffy take the initiative and choose the pace; but then, after a while, she took over. And she was more focused and intense than anyone else Buffy had been with, and her focus was entirely on the blonde girl. And it was good, and it was fun, and at times it was amazing, and eventually they fell asleep, comfortably intertwined.  
And then Buffy was woken up again by Faith crying out in her sleep. She was having a nightmare again, and it looked just as bad as the night before, if not worse. She was sweating and shivering in her sleep, and clenching her fists. Buffy shook her awake, and held her tight for a moment.  
"You alright?"  
Faith looked like she was going to say yes, I'm alright, I'm fine; and then she didn't. "Not really." She let Buffy hold her, rested her head on the other girl's shoulder. "That was a bad one."  
"Do you, ah, do you get these a lot? These nightmares."  
Faith said something, her voice muffled by Buffy's body. Buffy thought it sounded like 'every night', but didn't want to ask. Maybe, she thought to herself, she didn't want to know. Instead, she just held Faith, and stroked her hair, and rocked her, and after a long while they started to make love again. This time, though, it was very different. Much slower, full of pauses, gentle. Faith still seemed upset from her dream, and sometimes she said odd things. "I wonder if it snows here in the winter?", she said once. And then, later, "If people are on different levels, where do you fit in? And what about me?". Buffy didn't know what to say to that, but Faith didn't really seem to want an answer. She might even have been talking to herself. She seemed so far away, so distant. Untouchable.  
She fell asleep, eventually, not moving, hardly seeming to breathe. Buffy found herself lying there, watching her, listening for the tiny noise of her breath. It started to rain outside, the water loud on the glass. Buffy couldn't sleep. The room was hot, and smelt of sex. She got up, careful not to disturb Faith, and went to a window, and opened it a little bit, and stared out into the night. She thought about Faith, and what they'd done together, and then, later, with the rain falling steadily in the dark, she thought about Willow.  
  
  



End file.
